SOOOO Insecure.

in·se·cu·ri·ty

   /ˌɪnsɪˈkyʊərɪti/ Show Spelled[in-si-kyoor-i-tee] 

noun, plural in·se·cu·ri·ties.

1.

lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt: He is plagued by insecurity.

2.

the quality or state of being insecure; instability: the insecurity of her financial position.

3.

something insecure: the many insecurities of life.

Synonyms
2. precariousness, shakiness, vulnerability.

 

Ok, now that we have the English lesson taken care of...lets talk about this word. Insecurity. Even hearing this word makes me kinda slump in my chair and hang my head because I have SO many of insecurities. All of the women that I know have something that makes them feel insecure. Something that makes them feel unworthy...or not good enough.

 

When I was younger I was made fun of because of my weight...so I developed an eating disorder...then when I was thinner....I didn't want people to know that I threw up everything I ate, so I would lie about other things to try and draw attention away from my eating habits. The whole thing centered around my body insecurities.

 

When I walk into a room, I am always thinking to myself...ok...am I the biggest person here? Will people like me? Am I dressed ok? Will I fit in? If I have to talk, will I sound stupid? Its a constant stream of thoughts in my mind. I sweat bucket loads, I turn red...and turn into a big ol hot mess.

 

And its a constant stream in alot of women's minds. You know...how we flip off the light when its time for some smoochy smooch with the hubs...how we stress about what we will wear to an event....how we check and double check our makeup before we get our of our car. It effects our relationships, our jobs...our families...But my question is...WHY? Why are we letting the world make us so insecure? Why are we not rejoicing in the things that make us...us?

 

I just came home from an amazing weekend...it was spent at a christian retreat with some of my favorite people in the whole world. My husband got to come with me and spend the whole weekend there too. He made a comment when we got home that made me smile...he said "babe...everyone loves you so much" when I asked him what he meant he said " you make people smile...and everyone loves to be around you". It was super sweet for him to say that, but all I kept thinking was things like; that cant be true, not everyone loves me, I am sure I annoyed people....and on and on...stupid thoughts about how I must have done something wrong, and how there was no way that everyone loves me. Well that's a bunch of crapola. It makes me mad that I let Satan even speak into my mind like that.

 

I have no reason to be insecure. I am a child of God...I am created in HIS image...I am loyal, I am kind, I am funny, I am smart....I am pretty....but most of all.....I am WHO HE MADE ME TO BE. And He sure as heck didn't make me with all of these silly insecurities. The world gave me those.

 

And YOU...my beautiful readers...YOU are beautiful...YOU are smart, YOU are worthy, YOU are funny...AND MOST OF ALL...you are made in HIS image. Get rid of those insecurities. Get rid of the crap that makes you second guess yourself.

 

No more sweating like a wilderbeast when I walk into a room...no more wondering if I will fit in....no more wondering if I will sound stupid. No more hot mess.

 

Just me.