Why is it that being a female makes me seriously psychotic? I hate being a girl! I had a crappy day yesterday...and a long evening, and when I got home all I wanted to do was lay in bed and "be"....but my sweet and amazing husband came in to "snuggle" with me, and see how my day was. He had no since got the words " hey baby" out of his mouth and I was sobbing...rambling about every single thing that was bothering me. He just listened to me and held my hand...and wiped away my tears while I cried and vented about everything in the world bothering me...about 30 minutes later, I felt better...but I looked at him and started all over again because I was so grateful that he had just sat there and listened to me! Seriously, being a girl makes you crazy...I am so thankful to have such a loving husband... :)

Waiting

Well we decided to make the big jump and Rick is going to have his V-reversal surgery in march! The doctors say there is a 50/50 chance it will work....so it kinda makes me wonder if its worth it. At almost 4 thousand bucks....its totally in Gods Hands. I really want to be able to have another baby, more than anything right now. We already have names picked out, does that mean I am insane?
But with a new baby comes a whole new set of challenges and blessings....and I wonder...how will I be able to love another child like I love Mary? Shes my baby girl, and she will always be...but what happens when another baby comes? Its like the minute that I first held her in my arms, I was so in love with that precious little girl, I never thought I could love someone like that...you know? A love so deep you would do anything for them...to protect them, nurish them and make sure they are happy.
I am still trying to process it all. A huge part of my heart is gone when she is with her dad, and I miss her so very much...and I know having another baby would never in any way fill that void.