Well we decided to make the big jump and Rick is going to have his V-reversal surgery in march! The doctors say there is a 50/50 chance it will work....so it kinda makes me wonder if its worth it. At almost 4 thousand bucks....its totally in Gods Hands. I really want to be able to have another baby, more than anything right now. We already have names picked out, does that mean I am insane?
But with a new baby comes a whole new set of challenges and blessings....and I wonder...how will I be able to love another child like I love Mary? Shes my baby girl, and she will always be...but what happens when another baby comes? Its like the minute that I first held her in my arms, I was so in love with that precious little girl, I never thought I could love someone like that...you know? A love so deep you would do anything for them...to protect them, nurish them and make sure they are happy.
I am still trying to process it all. A huge part of my heart is gone when she is with her dad, and I miss her so very much...and I know having another baby would never in any way fill that void.