Friday, March 29, 2013

Sunday is Comin.

Today is Good Friday.
Its raining here in Lewiston Idaho...its cold and dreary and yucky.
The way it should be on the day when a man...was crucified on a cross....not because He had committed a crime. Not because He had done anything wrong.
But because He loves me. And you. Because of MY crimes. MY SINS. and YOURS.
He died today. His mom, his friends, his people, watched him die.
But sunday is comin....


Friday, March 22, 2013

Friday Facts.

Friday Facts
I am sitting in starbucks right now...and there is a couple MAKING OUT in the middle of starbucks. And they are both sitting in two separate leather they have to lean in really looks uncomfortable.
I have been awake since 5:10...I feel like I am half dead. I hate mornings.
I have my gym clothes on...because I plan on going to the gym today....sometime.
I get to hang out with this little man today.
his mama is about to have another baby! I cant wait to meet the new little man! I am so blessed to be able to love these peeps!
I think that loving having Jesus in your heart makes your life better. Not easier...just better.
Its cold here in IDAHO....I wish it would warm up sooner.
I need to vacuum out my car it looks like the snack aisle of walmart blew up in my backseat. But I am not going to until it warms up.
So if you park next to me...dont judge.
I lost some followers with my post yesterday. Thats sucks. But its also Ok...because I know I was speaking truth. And thats what we are called to do.
The people making out just left. Thank you Jesus. It was getting super awkward.
Now there is a 60 year old man sitting next to me...he must have bathed in AXE body spray.I.cant.breathe.
I wish I was a BLISSDOM
Being poor sucks.
We are going to remodel our bathroom (well its actually my parents bathroom, but we live there its our bathroom too) I am kinda freaked out. The mister and I always think it would be so much fun to do "projects" we start them...then we fight so much that I peace out, and he is left to finish. By himself.
I dont have any makeup on today and so far I have seen 3,454,643 people that I know. They all look at me like I am an alien. and two people have said "are you sick" HAHA.
I need a good arm workout....any ideas for me?
Happy Friday love muffins!

Thursday, March 21, 2013

"For My Brother on Down Syndrome Day" By Ace

Today is National Down Syndrome Day!

Today we should celebrate all of the beautiful, precious people with that one extra chromosome!



Did you know that people can be addicted to porn, lust or sex?
Did you know that every 10 men that are involved with church, 5 of them struggle with pornography?
Did you know that 20% of all women are addicted to pornography?
Did you know that pornography addictions KILL 30% of marriages?

Professors Dolf Zillman of Indiana University and Jennings Bryant of the University of Houston found that repeated exposure to pornography results in a decreased satisfaction with one’s sexual partner, with the partner’s sexuality, with the partner’s sexual curiosity, a decrease in the valuation of faithfulness and a major increase in the importance of sex without attachment.

Porn addiction lies. It steals. It sneaks in and destroys things that are good.

 It makes women feel unworthy (when they are SO worthy!). It makes men feel ashamed and trapped (when they can be FREE!). It makes years and years of marriage seem like a lie (when it doesnt have to be that way!).

 But the issue isnt the person looking at porn (they are still worthy, and loveable and LOVED.) They are still good sisters, brothers,moms,dads,wives, and husbands. The issue isnt the person. Its the addiction. The problem is that this addiction is one that induces shame...and shame makes you want to keep it a secret. And when you keep it a cant get help. People who look are addicted pornography are not monsters or evil...they just have an addiction. Just like any other addiction...(food,alcohol,drugs) No addiction is worse than any other.
I have been told that getting sober from a pornography addiction is harder than getting sober from a Heroin addiction.
Do you struggle with lust or sex or porn? Do you think you may have an addiction? You can find out more information here
There is hope. You dont have to be a slave to lust.
You can get help.
This is an awesome quote from the mission statement of XXXchurch
 "we believe that everyone a full life is available to everyone, so we stand against the accepted norms about sexual behaviors and pornography knowing that hope, healing, and true satisfaction are within reach for all us."
Porn sucks. But God is awesome and He loves YOU...regardless of what you struggle with...

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Its SO ok.

Its thursday (just incase you didnt know). Which means that its my friday. Which means that tomorrow I get to sleep in. Which makes this girl VERY happy.
Time for another edition of Its ok Thursday.
  • Its ok that I love my sleep. Like really really love it. I would choose sleep over almost any activity.
  • Its ok that I come to starbucks almost every morning....and the people who work here know my name.
  • Its ok that I like to people watch at my starbucks. There are SO many different dynamics. Right now I can hear 3 different conversations (I am not trying to eavesdrop they are all talking pretty loud)...a group of older men talking about farming...two men talking about being sober and addiction...a few people studying their bibles....a group of women looking at some artwork and laughing. SO many different stories. Its fun to watch them all interact. Does that make me a creepy stalker?
  • Its ok that I like to speak my mind.
  • Its NOT ok that sometimes I dont do it with love. Thats NEVER ok.
  • Its ok that I am addicted to Maurices lately. they have some of the CUTEST stuff for spring and summer. I may or may not have spent a crap ton of money there last week on clothes I didnt need. Dont judge I will probly take most of them back. Shopping feeds my soul. Well... shopping and Jesus.
  • Its ok that I am SO ready for summer...I already busted out my flip flops...even though I really REALLY need a pedi. My toes are a HOT MESS.
  • Its ok that I send my food back if its not right. Last night I ordered a chicken wrap with NO onions or tomatoes. When she brought it out I could see the onions all over in it. So I sent it back. She brought it back about 5 seconds later and said that they made me a new one. I started eating it and realized that there were STILL onions and tomatoes in it. So I sent it back again and told them not to make me a new one. I was super disappointed....but I wasnt gonna eat onions.... Thats ok!.
  • Its ok that I LOVE my bible. It makes me feel safe. And peaceful. And happy. Even when everything else sucks.
  • Its ok that consider cleaning my house a workout sometimes. That crap is hard. Sometimes it makes me sweat just like spinning.
  • Its ok that I have been LOVING this guy lately....
I love his work because he is real. And I want to be real.
Have a FABULOUS Thursday...

Wednesday, March 13, 2013


change is so hard.
I am one who loves to be spontaneous, but I also love my routine. I hate change. I hate it when things get shaken up.
I never moved very much as a family was fairly unstable and there wasn't a ton of change that took place when I was growing up. But things weren't always easy. My mom was sick alot (she had 2 kidney transplants) My dad was an alcoholic (he went to treatment when I was in 5th grade and has been sober ever since) We were a foster family (so there were different kids in and out alot) But other than those things, there wasn't a ton of change.
Since I have graduated high school (14 years ago) my life has been SO full of change.
When I was 17 I was SO ready to move away and " get out" of the little tiny town I grew up in. So I moved 2,500 miles away to be with a boy. We ended up getting married....and then 2 years later getting divorced. Change.
Then I moved home to that little tiny town...only to move away 2,000 miles away again with another boy after we got married. Then got divorced. Change.
After 7 years of constant change. I finally met the one that God had intended for me to spend the rest of my life with. And we stayed here, in this tiny little town. But there is still change all the time. Change that shakes up my world. Change that hurts....change that heals....change that gives hope.
But its still not easy. I don't like it when things don't go my way, or according to my plan. I don't LIKE change! (unless of course its my idea)
Do you like change? What if you knew that taking a certain path would require change? Would you keep going down that road?
I hope so. Because even though I hate change...every time something in my life changes...something good happens. Maybe not right away...but eventually. But so many times I know that if I were to see the change coming, I would have turn around and started running the other way.
Its kind of like a rose bush. It has to be pruned to make it be the best it can be. Parts of it die....and change. But then the new growth happens. And the new growth...AFTER the the best part of the rose bush.
Now, I love me some roses...Pink ones. If my husband brought me pink roses every day...I would be in heaven. But those roses are a reminder. A reminder that change sucks. But beauty comes after a change.
What changes are you facing today?

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

forget fear.

It Sucks.
It steals.
It confines.
It crushes.
What are you afraid of?
 I am afraid of alot of things. One of my worst fears is driving off the road in my car into the river and drowning in my car. I am also afraid of something happening to my kids or my husband. I am also terrified of snakes. Like stupidly terrified of them.
Especially after something unexpected or bad happens in my life, I let the fear take over. I always am thinking about what could happen. I let it take me to places in my mind that should never even exist. Sometimes the fear inside my head is crippling.

Fear makes us run away from things that are good. Fears makes us doubt ourselves, our spouses, our children. Fear makes us even doubt God.
I'm afraid of being alone, of being ignored, of being rejected, of being made fun of, of being belittled, of being disappointed or of being a disappointment. I am afraid of not being good enough, pretty enough, thin enough. Of not being enough.

But then the truth comes into play....the truth that I AM enough. I will never be alone. I AM going to be matter what comes.
But I have to renew my way of thinking. I have to replace that fear WITH SOMETHING. I cant let the fear win. I have to replace the fear with TRUTH.
In the word that I cling the tells us DO NOT BE AFRAID 365 times. Is that a coincidence? I don't think so. Its a reminder that we have nothing to be afraid of. Nothing. Not death. Not loneliness. Not rejection. Not pain. Not even snakes.
This is one of my favorite verses. Its a wonderful reminder.
As you are walking into that Dr.'s office to hear those test results..Don't be afraid..He's with you.
As you are walking into the courtroom for your fate or someones else's fate to be decided by a judge...Don't be afraid...He's with you.
As you struggle with your marriage..Don't be afraid...He's with you.
As you struggle with your job...Don't be afraid...Hes with you.
And after all of that...He is STILL with you.
So as you go throughout this day, be reminded...FEAR is not cool. Fear is a LIAR. YOU don't have to be afraid.
Happy Tuesday Friends!

Monday, March 11, 2013

Life givers.

I am blessed with a wonderful family of people who love me. People who I trust with my life. I am not just talking about my husband and my mom and dad....but my grandparents, my aunts and my cousins. I was an only child growing up....I didnt have brothers and sisters (except for foster kids in and out) but I had a ton of cousins. One of them is like my best friend today. I am SO lucky.

But I am also blessed with friends who are like family. People who love me no matter what. And people who speak LIFE....and who are honest enough to tell me when I am screwing up..and they pray for me and help me get on the right track.

All of the people who I have chosen to surround myself with are people who speak life to me. People who know how to tell me the truth...but then speak the truth in love.

Do you have people in your life who speak life into your life? People who tell you the truth in a non judgemental way? People who love you despite your faults and encourage you to be a better person?

We ALL need people like this. If we surround ourselves with people who speak death...and who are always bringing us down...we will become like them.

Jesus tells us that we need to be salt and light...but if we dont spend time with people who keep us salty...we will lose our saltiness. If we hang out with people who live in will be harder for us to shine bright.
Are you a life giver, do you speak life? Do you have people in your life who are life givers... life speakers?

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Wow for the day.

Another one thats worth the watch.

Thankful Thursday.

I feel like my blog has been kind of a downer a friend who is always complaining about something. I really try not to be a complainer...but sometimes I am. I sit here again in "my" starbucks I am reminded of how much I have to be thankful for. Even though struggles come, and life is HARD. Like really really hard. I am SO blessed.
I am reminded every time I dig into this book
How much I am loved. And how everything is promised to be ok.
I am thankful for my husband. I am thankful that he Loves the Lord...and that he loves me. When we said "I do" seven years ago...we didnt say " I do...but only when its easy...or only when you love me and dont hurt me" We said " I do" for better or for worse. Love doesnt quit. Love doesnt run when it gets tough or when it gets its feelings hurt. Love doesnt quit when it is betrayed or broken. Love NEVER fails. And I promised to love my husband. And he promised to love me.
I am thankful for this book.
And for the constant hope that it provides. I am thankful for these words today...
John 16:33 The message
"I've told you all this so that trusting me, you will be UNSHAKABLE and ASSURED, DEEPLY at peace. In this godless world you WILL CONTINUE to experience difficulties (trouble WILL COME)..but TAKE HEART...I have conquered the world."
That gives me peace. My God (and yours too) loves me enough to tell me like it sugar coating...trouble WILL come. But you will be ok. I will take care of you. I have already conquered all of this crap. You dont have to be afraid.
I am thankful for my friends and my family. People who love me. People who pray for me and for my family. God has really really blessed me with a circle of friends who know how to love. But who also know how to speak truth into my life. And for someone as hard headed as me....speaking truth to me is super important.
I am thankful for second chances. And third chances....and forgiveness. I am thankful that I am learning alot about this.
And today especially...I am thankful for my mascara...because when I woke up...I looked like I had been on the crazy train for about 6 months. Thank you, thank you Jesus for creating the people that invented concealer and mascara.
Hope you all have a fantastic thursday.....remember...trouble WILL COME. Things WILL suck sometimes. But God is bigger. And He loves you so much more than you can even imagine. More than your husband loves you...more than you love your kids...more than your parents love you. Alot more. Trust Him. Let Him love you.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

hope in my eyes.

Sitting here in Starbucks waiting for a meeting to start.
Thinking about all of the different dynamics here at "my" starbucks. Across the room is the table of pastors....and across from them is my pastor meeting with a group of men who just got out of prison. Kitty corner from their table is an advertising rep with his clients...showing them a new pitch. Right next to me is a group of older men, talking about something that is making them laugh.
So many different groups. So many different stories.
And at my table? I have my own story. A story of a hot mess girl... who loves Jesus, her husband, her children...her job. I wonder what people think about me when they see me in here almost every morning... on my computer or reading bible, journaling and praying. I wonder what they see in my eyes.
Just like the table of men who just got out of prison...they all look so hopeful. They all have hope in their eyes. You would think that they look defeated...but they dont. They look renewed.
I want to look renewed. I want people to see hope in my eyes. I want people to see Jesus in me. Last week an older man came up to me when I was about to leave and said "are you done here with this table" I smiled and said "yes...but there was room if you wanted to come and sit earlier!" (it was a really big table and I was set up in the corner of it) He said "well it looked like you were studying hard, so I didnt want to interrupt you". I had been reading my bible and journaling...I wanted to tell him that I wasnt cramming for a test or studying for a final...I was getting my life support for the day.
 Lately things have been super hard in the Lawless house. Trials and challenges out the WAZOO...but I just keep drawing near to God. And He keeps holding me tighter and tighter. His love is what keeps me going. His promises are what make me breathe. I am just like those ex prisoners.
This video is long...its 40 minutes...but its worth the watch..I promise. Its just a glimpse into HOW big and powerful God is. The God who gives hope to the ex prisoners and the chubby red headed girl sitting at starbucks.

Monday, March 4, 2013

cray cray

yep thats me. Cray cray from crazy town. over here....on the hot mess express. There are so many things happening right now...I cant even count them. My brain wont ever shut off. I cant sleep at night.
I over commit myself. Do any of you do that? I say yes to WAY too many things. Then I feel like crap when things dont turn out the way they are supposed to. I need to learn to say no.
I have started putting my phone in my purse when I get home at more facebooking, instagramming and twittering ALL the time.
 My family deserves that attention. But it stresses me out when I do grab my phone and I have 16 texts and a million emails.
Why are we such busy people? Why cant we just chill? Take a chill pill...
I think the world would be better if we all did a few things differently:
  • Take a chill pill
  • No more porn, no more women and children SOLD INTO sex slavery.
  • No more movies with cussing, nakedness and violence in them
  • No more drugs
  • No more bullying
  • No more hunger
  • No more busyness
  • No more obsessive compulsive facebook checking
  • Love everyone. Seriously.
  • Give 5 people one compliment EVERY SINGLE DAY. and mean it.
  • Be nice to your husband/friends/girlfriend/wife/kids... Treat them like your supposed to. Even when they dont treat you like they are supposed to. Speak life...dont speak death.
  • Give 10% of what you have to people who need it more than you or your church. You will be blessed. I promise.
Work is hard right now, giving is down...and our ministry is struggling to make ends meet. We are having such a HUGE impact on our Valley...Every single day we are saving babies, helping moms and breaking cycles...and TRANSFORMING LIVES....I just wish more people would step out in faith and support this mission.
Ok....I think that's all that's swimming in my head right now.
Sorry if you came here for extra awesome its just not happening.
You just get my randomness.