Wednesday, January 30, 2013

my big fat (not so) secret.

Ok so you have read all about how I hate to be told that I have a pretty face here
and here . But I havent actually told you guys how much I struggle with my weight. Well, maybe I have.
But at this point in my life I am the heaviest I have EVER been. I am ashamed to say that I weigh 277 pounds. (my own husband doesnt know how much I weigh) thats almost THREE HUNDRED pounds. thats 2 people who weight 150 pounds. I feel disgusted with myself. I am 40 pounds heavier then when I gave birth my daughter almost 9 years ago. I am 100 pounds heavier then when I got pregnant with her. I cannot believe that I let myself get this fat. As I write this tears are streaming down my face and I feel like I am going throw up.
I decided last week that I am over it. I am done with the fad diets, the weight loss gadgets and the things that I have done to lose weight that have REALLY harmed my body (being bulimic for 2 years).
I started back at the gym, and am trying to eat right. It just feels different this doesnt feel like I am going to give up. I feel stronger. I feel like I know I can do it.
 But its hard. Last night when I came was about 9pm...I had been to work, then to the gym, then to bible study..then home. I was exhausted. I had eaten my veggies and my protein, but I was STARVING, my body was SO SORE, and I was SO crabby. I burst into tears and told the mister how disgusting I felt. How I was SO mad at myself for getting this fat. He just held me in his arms and said these words " You are beautiful, and I am SO proud of you."   
That was all I needed to hear. I am going to do it this time. I am going to reach my goal of 170 pounds. Thats 107 pounds that I need to lose.
The reason I am writing this on here is because I am going to need support. I am not turning my blog into a weight loss blog...but maybe I can encourage someone else...and hopefully someone can encourage me. I know that this journey will be hard. But I know that it will be worth it.
Here we go.


  1. Heather, you've got this! You seriously do. I know I've told you before, but you really are completely stunning. And I'm not 'just saying that!' I have really bad days too where I'm just not feeling cute at all, & my husband just makes me feel so much better. Let's do this together. Diets suck. Because once you're off it, you gain it all back. It's eating healthy & exercising. Solely! You got this & I'm excited to go on this journey with you.


  2. Gosh I just want to hug you! I'm so proud first of all that you posted this. You are going to inspire so many women through your honesty and your journey as you lose your weight. The beauty of your heart really is what shines through in this post. I'm so sorry you have cried about this and thankful you have such a wonderful husband. I will be praying for stength and endurance as your start your new journey and that you will see yourself the whole time as God sees you! Luv ya!

  3. Girl you got this! I'm right there with ya....trying to stay motivated. You've got a bloggy family of support! ;)

  4. You can do it! I struggle with my weight too, but I always tell myself it's a process and I'm not meant to be a size one.

  5. Can we PLEASE encourage each other! I also need to lose and I need some serious help and motivation. You would think as bad as I want it I would be able to do it?! I have faith you can do it and WILL !!!

  6. New to your blog. Found you through the blog hop. Loving your blog. It is terribly hard to struggle with body image. You can do anything with a little help and encouragement from others and Christ.

  7. You are so very brave to put this out there. It is a hard thing to deal with. I know, I'm there right now myself. Praying for you. Amazing hubby!!!

  8. I'm new to your blog through the Grow Your Blog hope. I love this post. You are on the right track. I just got back into a fitness routine in August and now I'm taking classes 7 times a week. It feels great, and I know once you get into a routine you will too. :) Good luck. I'm a new follower. Megan

  9. Heather you can do it! I know you can. Reading this felt very much like reading my own life got this.

  10. You are amazing, incredible, and inspiring. Totally following your blog. You got this girl.

  11. I have exactly 107 to be at my goal weight too! You can do it. Just keep pushing!


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